My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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