I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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