Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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