I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
