Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
