its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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