You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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