how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
