i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
