Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i love accidental penises.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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