Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
