I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
