fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
