Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
