Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
