guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
