Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
