so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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