i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
