i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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