I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
