I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize