I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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