were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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