All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
