Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
