It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
