There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
