Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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