ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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