It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
