i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
