guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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