Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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