Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
