exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
