ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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