He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize