I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
