dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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