my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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