The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
