Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
