went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
