dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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