Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
