he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
