We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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