so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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