I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
