My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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