the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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