like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
