A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
