If that was your dad, he is hot
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
