My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
