just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize