sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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