woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
