a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
