dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
