i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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