Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
