The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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