i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
