We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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