I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
