hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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