you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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