This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Randomize
