sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wear drunk well.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize