Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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